Dave Testerman

Hi, I’m Dave Testerman, and there’s a lot I just don’t understand about the world today.

I don’t understand why I would need to register my own domain name, www.DaveTesterman.com, during a political campaign. That’s just not fair to hardworking, technologically savvy, educated men such as myself. I have a Facebook page and a telephone—surely that’s enough for my constituents in 2018.

I don’t understand why a majority of New Hampshirites think people have a “right” to health care, like it’s something necessary for life. I’m fine with working people dying of treatable illnesses, like in the good old days.

I don’t understand why my fellow legislators are creeped out because I refused to sign a statement “ agreeing that fellow legislators should not be sexually abused or offended” in our shared workplace. I mean, technically this is the people’s house, right?

I don’t understand why schools have given up on educating kids and have gone into the “parenting” business —I guess because “parenting” is so much easier than “educating”? Sometimes I don’t understand myself.

I don’t understand why people think they’re “entitled” to Social Security benefits, simply because they’ve paid into the fund for their whole lives. After all, “Social Security is a tax” and nothing more. Nor do I understand why 20+ Republicans who thought they were Democrats” had the audacity to vote in favor of the Family and Medical Leave Act.

You know what else really confuses me? Transgenders! I just don’t get it! Somehow I managed to quote Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. but also compare transgender New Hampshirites to pedophiles , all in the same Facebook post. Who says I don’t have Internet skills? Who says Daddy can’t multitask?

Indeed, some days I feel like I’m the only one left on what I consider the right. The only one multitasking to stop Social Security. Stop Family and Medical Leave. Stop those civil rights right in their homosexual, transgender, or otherwise female tracks.

But what especially needs stopping is that health care. We’re all going to die eventually. And if I have my way, it’ll be slow, painful, and as long as possible—no “ shortening ” with morphine to end it sooner. But as bad as things get when I’ve snatched your civil rights and your health insurance, your paid leave and your doctor’s prescription pad - just remember that it could be worse. You could be a European in Europe and, as I’ve warned on Facebook:

“it is the character of Islam that when they gain control they remove history. \ [...] and when the Muslims gain control by sheer numbers, they will destroy them and any the historical representation as well. It will not matter if the US comes to their rescue. It will be too late. Europe will cease to exist as we romantically remember it and as the travel brochures tell us. The failure is inevitable because they are below the replacement level to sustain the next generation. Say goodbye to Europe as we knew it!”

Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re depressed, and a little legalized marijuana would set things right, but don’t do it because marijuana is “ rubbish ” that will destroy your brain. And you can trust me because there’s nothing wrong with mine.

Besides, there’s a better way to set things right, New Hampshirites: Do it at the ballot box on November 6th.